The Animals Hate Me

I was in Montreal, Quebec for the weekend.  It was a surprise trip for my husband and I had been saving all my money to make it a fun, romantic experience.  I just wanted us to have Christmas of our own because his mom has a stranglehold on the holidays.  Because my nickname is "Ang" we called it Angsmas and will henceforth be having Angsmas every year.

While we were there, I found the biggest problem for me was binge eating.  I was going to allow myself to go way over my calories because I figured there was no holding back, it's ANGSMAS!  So the first night, I cheated my veganism and had a flatbread that had a little bit of goatscheese on it.  I felt guilty, but not terrible.

Then the next day,  I ate poutine aka: the least vegan food on the planet.  It's not even vegetarian because it's slathered in gravy.  But I ate it and loved every delicious mouthful.  I felt so guilty about it later but just kept saying shit like "well,  I can have ONE meal a year.  It's not even meat, it's just a little bit of juice and thickener".  

Then my stomach exploded and I drunkenly lay on my bed crying that the animals hate me.  And I started thinking about the poor cows that made the cheese and got turned into gravy.  Then I felt bad about the goats from the night before.  I am too much of a bleeding heart to ever do anything like that again.  I just can never do it again.

I don't want the animals to hate me.

Sorry, did I ask for your opinion?

I find it really odd that I get so much criticism about my marriage.

I am really happy, I love my marrige and I adore my husband.  We're newlyweds, things aren't perfect, but what relationship is?

I have one friend that thinks because we're not doing it like rabbits, our marriage must be bad.  Obviously my decision to marry this person was wrong.  Who could marry someone who didn't hump them like a dog in heat 24/7?

I have a coworker that is convinced that you should never marry anyone you've ever broken up with.  I have to say, lots of people wouldn't be married if tht were the case.   I'm GLAD Matt and I had some time apart for a while.  He was 21 and had never dated, I was 23 and had been round the block a few times.  We weren't in the same place in life. We needed a little time, and now we're awesome.

I don't know, it just irritates me a lot.  Do I not sing his praises enough? what am I doing to make people think this?

Then again, as I'm writing this I'm realizing all my critics are in their 30's and single.  

Figured it all out...

So my last rant was a little harsh.  I was furious that everyone who wanted to change their life gave up. That I was the last one trying and I wasn't sure why I gave a damn anymore.

So I went to boxing and was cheered on by my fellow classmates.  They stopped what they were doing and yelled, clapped and counted me down when I was ready to fall over and die.  They gave me high fives and slaps on the back.  They gave me hugs and they gave me support.  

Then I went online and found dozens of people who always gave me tons and tons of support.  Always there to cheer me on when I did my weigh ins and posted my little victories.  

So now I weigh 249 lbs.  That's 48 lbs down from my heaviest weight.  It's 89 lbs away from my goal weight of 160.  A very HEALTHY and ATHLETIC 160.

I'm going to run a marathon in October 2012.  That's my goal. I want to run a whole marathon and I'm going to start training myself to run this spring.  I'm already building up my cardio with boxing, so I'm getting there.  

I am unstoppable.  I am going to do this.  I will be an athlete.  I will be a goddess.

I am strong.